I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
