I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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