Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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