I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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