and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
