ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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