I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
