Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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