yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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