Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
