Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
