You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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