He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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