so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
