I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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