i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
