In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
