i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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