That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
