o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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