My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
