It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
