turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
