The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
