Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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