i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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