He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
