If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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