We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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