11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
