im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
