I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
