Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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