Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
