so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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