i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
