Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
