I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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