I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
two words: eviction party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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