I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
