who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
