I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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