Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
