Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
