Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
