Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish you could order shots online.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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