your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
