you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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