just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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