You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
