ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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