Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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