i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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