This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
