You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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