she smelled like a LAN party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think people are normalizing furries
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
