I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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